Stupid Quotes

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
- A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
- Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
- Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version,"
- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- Dan Quayle

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
- Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
- Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed, and it will monitor their heart through the night, and the next morning, if they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman