CURL UP AND DIE
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow
- Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin TX
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance.
He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow
as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad.
He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
- Kate Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
HO, HO, HO
I was taking a shower when my 2 year old son came into the bathroom
and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked
adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out
so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas
cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically,
and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo
and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured
my reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!
- Name Withheld
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good looking gentlemen who works
at the store.
He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and
said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
- Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
NUTS ABOUT YOU
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety
of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the
counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking
at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy
grinned, and I turned beet red and walked away. To this day, my sister
has never let me forget.
- Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally
got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price
tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom
and boomed out for all the store to hear,"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN,
TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear
of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for
In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom.
"DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU
POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming
around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back
to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered
that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The
teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to phone
his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned
to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back
to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging
"I thought I told you to call your Mom," she screamed. "I
did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out
till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."