LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that's the
biggest smile you can give us?"
"I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!"
"Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any
idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"
"All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket,
take your hand out of there and show me."
LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap
like the other kids?"
EINSTEIN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"But it's your senior picture. Couldn't you do something about
your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something, ANYTHING...?"
WASHINGTON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you
can kiss your allowance good-bye!"
"That's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been for
the last forty years."
EDISON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb.
Now turn it off and get to bed!"