Lost in the Translation

In a hotel in Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."

In a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk."

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs."

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: "Drop your trousers here for best results."

In a Rhodes tailor shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years."

In a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them in all directions."

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."

In the office of a Roman doctor: "Specialist in women and other diseases."

In an Acapulco hotel: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here."

In a Tokyo shop: "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run."

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: "English well talking." "Here speeching American."

Sign in a hotel corridor in Istanbul: "Please to evacuate in hall especially which is accompanied by rude noises."

In a Tokyo bar: "Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts."

At a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."

In a Swiss mountain inn: "Special today -- no ice cream."

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: "Stop: Drive Sideways."

On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: "To stop the drip, turn cock to right."

In the window of a Swedish furrier: "Fur coats made for the ladies from their own skin."

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: "Take on of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages."

In a Vienna hotel: "In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter."

In a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."