In a hotel in Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the
office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."
In a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing
to hope for."
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs."
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: "Drop your trousers here for best
In a Rhodes tailor shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is
big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: "There will be a Moscow Exhibition
of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were
executed over the past two years."
In a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend
the afternoon having a good time."
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and
send them in all directions."
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: "If this is your first visit
to the USSR, you are welcome to it."
In the office of a Roman doctor: "Specialist in women and other
In an Acapulco hotel: "The manager has personally passed all the
water served here."
In a Tokyo shop: "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll
find they are best in the long run."
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: "English well talking."
"Here speeching American."
Sign in a hotel corridor in Istanbul: "Please to evacuate in hall
especially which is accompanied by rude noises."
In a Tokyo bar: "Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts."
At a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. If you have
any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
In a Swiss mountain inn: "Special today -- no ice cream."
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: "Stop: Drive Sideways."
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: "To stop the drip, turn cock
In the window of a Swedish furrier: "Fur coats made for the ladies
from their own skin."
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: "Take on of our horse-driven
city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages."
In a Vienna hotel: "In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the
In a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the