Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if
we can find the perfect present yet again!
Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just
We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.
Remind us frequently beforehand.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Check your own oil! Please.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
- not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months
we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have
no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.