Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolate.
Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father,
priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and
should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts.
You are permitted to deny his very existence.
Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail
a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination;
beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call B*LLSH$T. (Exception:
When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises
If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits
The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's
running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes
for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator
is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and
Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy
is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried
away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your
pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his
permission and he in return is required to grant it.
Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated
as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability
to pick a buffalo wing clean.
If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't see nothin'.
The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend
up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able
to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining
It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...
and it's free.
Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
sober enough to fight.
If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you
must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his
actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good
ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.
Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!", "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!",
"Another set and we can hit the showers." " Nice ass,
are you a Sagittarius?"
Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
but not both. That's just plain mean.
If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring
to his beer.
Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's
withholding sex pending your response.
Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing:
either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations,
a nod is all the conversation you need.
Unlocking a car door for another man is polite. Opening it is gay.