Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Remember half the people you know are below average.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular
Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse
gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever - so far so good.
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence
that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after
you need it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full
The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is
required on it.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the
softness of the bread.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal
from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise
above your principles.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have
to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
If the speed of light is 186,000 miles/sec., what's
the speed of darkness?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll
Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.