Ridiculous Headlines

IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS

QUEEN MARY HAVING BOTTOM SCRAPED

IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS?

PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE

PANDA MATING FAILS - VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER

NJ JUDGE TO RULE ON NUDE BEACH

CHILD'S STOOL GREAT FOR USE IN GARDEN

DR. RUTH TO TALK ABOUT SEX WITH NEWSPAPER EDITORS

SOVIET VIRGIN LANDS SHORT OF GOAL AGAIN

ORGAN FESTIVAL ENDS IN SMASHING CLIMAX

EYE DROPS OFF SHELF

SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM

DEALERS WILL HEAR CAR TALK AT NOON

ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX

LAWMEN FROM MEXICO BARBECUE GUESTS

MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH

TWO SOVIET SHIPS COLLIDE - ONE DIES

TWO SISTERS REUNITE AFTER EIGHTEEN YEARS AT CHECKOUT COUNTER

NEVER WITHHOLD HERPES FROM LOVED ONE

NICARAGUA SETS GOAL TO WIPE OUT LITERACY

DRUNK DRIVERS PAID $1,000 IN 1984

AUTOS KILLING 110 A DAY, LET'S RESOLVE TO DO BETTER

IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY IT MAY LAST A WHILE

WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE

SMOKERS ARE PRODUCTIVE, BUT DEATH CUTS EFFICIENCY

COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES

CHILD'S DEATH RUINS COUPLE'S HOLIDAY

BLIND WOMAN GETS NEW KIDNEY FROM DAD SHE HASN'T SEEN IN YEARS

MAN IS FATALLY SLAIN

SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERTS SAY

DEATH CAUSES LONELINESS, FEELING OF ISOLATION