Only an Italian Would Understand

• You spent your entire childhood thinking what you ate for lunch was pronounced "sangwich."

• Your family dog understood Italian.

• Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents and extended family.

• You've experienced the phenomena of 150 people fitting into 50 square feet of yard during a family cookout.

• You were surprised to discover the FDA recommends you eat three meals a day, not seven.

• You ate pasta for dinner at least three times a week, and every Sunday.

• You grew up thinking no fruit or vegetable had a fixed price and that the price of everything was negotiable through haggling.

• You watched Lawrence Welk and Ed Sullivan every Sunday night.

• You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.

• You thought everyone's last name ended in a vowel.

• You thought nylons were supposed to be worn rolled to the ankles.

• You were surprised to find out that wine was actually sold in stores.

• You never ate meat on Christmas Eve or any Friday for that matter.

• You ate your salad after the main course.

• You thought Catholic was the only religion in the world.

• You were hit at least once with a wooden spoon.

• You thought every meal had to be eaten with a hunk of bread in your left hand.

• You learned to play bocce before you went to school.

• You can understand Italian but you can't speak it.

• You have at least one relative who came over on the boat.

• You grew up calling the bathroom the baccausa. And you only had one.

• You were surprised to learn most kitchen utensils had another name which didn't end in a vowel.

• All of your uncles fought in a World War.

• You have at least one relative who wore a black dress every day for an entire year after a funeral.

• You have relatives who aren't really your relatives.

• You have relatives you don't speak to.

• You drank wine before you were a teenager.

• You grew up in a house with a yard that didn't have one patch of dirt that didn't have a flower or a vegetable growing out of it.

• Your grandparent's furniture was as comfortable as sitting on plastic.

• What!!!! You WERE sitting on plastic.

• You thought that talking loud was normal.

• You thought cookies and the Tarantella were common at all weddings.

• You thought everyone got pinched on the cheeks and had money stuffed in their pockets by their relatives.

• Your mother is overly protective of the males in the family, no matter what their age.

• Every luncheon meat you ate ended in a vowel.

• There was a crucifix in every room of the house, including the cellar.

• There was a saint somewhere in the yard.

• Boys didn't do house work because it was women's work.

• You couldn't date a boy without getting approval from your father.

• You know what lemon ice is.

• You called pasta "macaroni."

• You have at least one irrational fear or phobia that can be attributed to your mother.