Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I'm 'older' (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered:

• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

• My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

• I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

• Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

• Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

• All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

• If all is not lost, where is it?

• It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

• Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

• Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

• I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

• Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

• Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

• Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

• It's hard to make a come back when you haven't been anywhere.

• The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

• When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

• Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

• It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.

• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

• These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.

• I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU OR NOT!

• Funny, I don't remember being . . . . . absent minded...