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Stupid Jokes


New Stock Market Terms

  1. CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

  2. CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

  3. BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

  4. BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

  5. VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

  6. P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

  7. BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

  8. STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

  9. STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

  10. STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

  11. FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

  12. MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

  13. CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

  14. YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

  15. WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

  16. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

  17. PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.