How to Shower
How to Shower Like a Woman:
- Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry
hamper according to lights and darks.
- Walk into bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
- If you see your husband along the way, cover up any
- Look at your womanly physique in the mirror. Make mental
note...Must do more sit-ups.
- Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth,
long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
- Wash your hair with Cucumber Sage shampoo with 43 added
- Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
- Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner,
enhanced with natural avocado oil.
- Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
- Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for
ten minutes, until red.
- Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa
Cake body wash.
- Rinse conditioner off hair. You must make sure that
it has all come off.
- Shave armpits and legs.
- Consider shaving bikini area, but decide to get it
- Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet
and you lose the water pressure.
- Turn off shower.
- Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
- Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower.
- Dry with towel the size of a small country.
- Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
- Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit.
- Tweeze hairs.
- Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel
- If you see your husband along the way, cover any exposed
areas, then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
How to Shower Like a Man:
- Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed.
- Leave them in a pile.
- Walk naked to the bathroom.
- If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at
her, making the "woo-woo" sound.
- Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck
in your gut to see if you have pecs. (you don't)
- Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch
- Get in shower.
- Don't bother to look for a washcloth...You don't use
- Wash your face.
- Wash your armpits.
- Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just
rinse it off.
- Crack up at how loud your farts sound in the shower.
- Majority of time is spent washing your privates and
- Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on
the soap bar.
- Shampoo your hair.
- Do not use conditioner.
- Make a shampoo Mohawk.
- Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the
- Pee (in the shower).
- Rinse off and get out of the shower.
- Fail to notice water on the floor because you left
the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
- Partially dry off.
- Look at yourself in the mirror. Flex muscles. Admire
the wiener size again.
- Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
- Leave bathroom fan and light on.
- Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist.
- If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener
at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound again.
- Throw wet towel on the bed.
- Take 2 minutes to get dressed.